tik tik tik

I got into a conversation last night with a male friend. We went from George Clinton to Obama and then, eventually, to my ticking clock. I told him that I don't think about it anymore. I did when I was still with Chris but it's for the best that I am not a mother, a single mother, right now. I told him the truth, my fears. I refuse to bring a child into this world until I have all that I need to support him/her, and that doesn't mean making compromises and/or living pay check to paycheck. I don't want that child to lack anything. I don't want to say, "no honey I can't get that for you today, maybe next time." I refuse to spoil a child but I want that child to have all that he/she needs at all time. I was a great mother to my two brothers. I never spoiled them. I gave them what they needed and never what they materialistically asked for. I did buy them game consoles but those were gifts, bribe for good grades, and it worked.

I know that I am a good mother, my brothers are both in college! Billy followed my footstep to my alma mada, Rutgers University. I know that if I had had more-Billy and Paul would have been in a better place than they are right now and that's my point, I did well for them but I knew that I lacked so much because I couldn't provide more. That's what I want to compensate for if/and when I have my own kid. I want to give him/her what I didn't have, what I couldn't give to Paul and Billy, and more.