Dreaming of him now?!

I can't sleep. I sat up in my bed and suddenly remembered a dream that I had last night. I was a some beach house condo/loft. I was visiting a family member in that house, there were a few other familiar faces that I can't recall now. Right next door was P's place. Both houses were all glass and you can see right through it. When P and I was still talking him mentioning that a cleaning lady comes to his place once a week...so in the dream there was a scandalously clad dressing French maid. LOL She was Caucasian, of course, and was walking around with a duster in her hand pretending to look busy and P was just walking around the house looking like he was thinking to himself. They made conversation, there were some laughter and then the maid walks up the large glass staircase and he laughingly follows, looking so routine like.

Strange! I remember in my dream, thinking of how handsome he looked. I love his tattoos. He was shirtless and I remember the placements of each tattoos on his body. I do understand the science of dream, you brain reorganizes memories into storage...blah blah blah...but I woke up missing him. We use to talk/text all day everyday for that short two weeks. I liked talking to him, so comfortable with him, we told one another how much we missed each other, make jokes, flirted and shared childhood stories. I made him laugh and even made him snort. We really liked one another on the phone. OMG, two weeks of knowing him and I'm missing him now. What the heck?! He was different, pleasantly different and I like that. I want to eventually meet someone just like him. Maybe I'm not missing P necessarily but rather the type of person that he is. I miss his character. Yea.

This is so unlike me. I normally don't care about or think about guys like this. I'm usually very dismissive of men in general; men that I have met since my ex. *shaking it off* Hmmm in another life...maybe, but in this one I accept what is. I want to find my own 'happy' and I pray that P will also, he is such a good person. I get this feeling, the kind that you get when you miss out on an opportunity, like you want to ask someone out but didn't and weeks or months later they are dating someone else. In Thai it's "sea'dai" and in Khmer it's "sdai" meaning 'what a waste, missed opportunity' something like that. I feel that way now about P and it's probably my fault, alot of what I did/didn't do and my appearance were factors. I can't help thinking that I could have done better. I am not beating myself up over my physical looks and attractiveness but I hate accepting that that' s what it was. I haven't been on my best. Been looking really blah and fat'ish.

P was a missed opportunity and it sucks. Ugh! Why am I thinking of him? I don't even know him. This is freaking me out! I sound like a hypocrite liking someone so fast like this. I am someone that disbelieve 'love at first sight,' I know that this isn't love but the point is -how is it that I fancy this person after only two weeks? Well I've known him for about a month now. We stop talking two weeks ago and I miss it. I miss P.

Oh la vie! You definitely are a box of chocolate.