Another repeated nighmare

I had my reoccurring dream again. My D-day repeating itself. In it I remember going to the attic, Chris and I's old bedroom to pick up my thing. I remember packing my cloth into trash bags, not far from the reality of it because that's what it was. 9.5 years of my life packed up and throw at my feet. In it he had threw old framed photos of us into my bag and I ask him why he didn't just throw them out.

I dragged my things down two flight of stair and remember his mother cleaning, as she always does, and not saying a word to me. Chris is, after all, her only child, an extremely spoiled one. She just kept on with her cleaning as I drag my things out to my car.

I woke up angry again. Hit the snooze and dozed back on. The dream continued where I left off so I decided to get up at the next snooze. Every time I think that I am over what had happen I dream of it and I am reminded all over again. I am over my ex but I will never forgive him for what he did to me throughout the entire relationship and especially in the end. He hurt me the worst in the end. Nothing compares to the pain , the humiliation that I had to endure. The shame that I came home to face my parents with. I will never forgive him. No matter how many times I tell people that I do, deep inside I haven't forgiven him yet.

I don't want to see him suffer. That won't make anything better, it'll just be two unhappy people. I just want him to feel what he did to me. Overall I just want to be happy. I want my life to be better, to get better than he had offered. He destroyed me in every way but I am responsible for my own happiness now so I have no choice but to become better. Karma is a bitch and it always goes around and God has to be more just than this. God cannot punish me like this forever.